The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love does not behave rudely. I’m sure if you are like me, you may be thinking how rude of God to put that there! The common thread in 1 Corinthians 13 is that love is selfless. It seems that in today’s culture there is so much of me, me, and me. If you disagree with me than you are a threat.
I’m sure you can think of many rude things you have done. I’ll help you out a little. How’s your driving been? Do you interrupt people when talking? What are your facial expressions like? Maybe you speak under your breath while walking away or slam doors behind you. I can see moments in myself where I clearly have been rude.
Love does not behave rudely regardless of what is happening on the outside. There are behaviors that have become culturally acceptable. Among the many problems the church at Corinth had, one of the most prevalent was that they were rude to each other. They didn’t practice what we might call “simple decency” or politeness toward one another. I will speak generally when I say this is our problem today as well. Have you seen Christians on social media? Maybe you’ve encountered a not-so-nice Christians in person. The last few years have revealed a lot of selfishness in the body of Christ. I think 1 Corinthians 13 is a powerful challenge to us as believers.
In Chapter 11, Paul’s letter describes the problems happening in the church. When they partook of the Lord’s Supper meal, “each one takes his own supper first, and one is hungry, and another is drunk.” They didn’t practice what we might consider basic politeness towards each other at their Lord’s Supper meals. They did the same thing in their worship services. 1 Corinthians 14 tells us that they would all speak at the same time. One might be trying to preach, and another would break out in speaking in tongues. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, told them to stop it and “let all things be done decently and in order.” In other words, practice civility, good manners, and stop being rude to each other.
Paul prefaces this issue of rudeness with 1 Corinthians 13, which we know as the chapter of love. Paul explains that what they need is love, for love “does not act unbecomingly.” In other words, it is not rude! They did not have a monopoly on rudeness in the first century. It still rears its ugly head today. Rudeness can express itself in many ways.
One day Jesus went to Simon the Pharisee’s house (Luke 7). We know that Simon did not show Jesus practical kindness. Jesus said to him, “I entered your house, and you gave Me no water for my feet, you gave Me no kiss, you did not anoint My head with oil …” Obviously, these are not traditions we follow today, but they were customary for honored guests in Bible times. Simon did NOT do these things for Jesus. He basically “snubbed” Jesus by not doing these things, which were customary to honor Him as a guest. In today’s culture, it is kind to offer someone a chair to sit on, or a drink and refreshment when they come to your home. Not being generous and hospitable would be considered rude.
People justify themselves by claiming they didn’t say or do anything offense or rude. However, they know very well that it was not what they said or did, rather what they did NOT say or do that offended the person. Rudeness can be what you say and do, or it can be what you did NOT say or do!
The Bible says that agape love does not act unbecomingly and is not rude to people. It means you think before you speak. It means you hold back the cutting remark and exercise some self-control with your body language. It also means you don’t omit anything gracious and polite from a person. Love does not behave rudely regardless of what is happening on the outside.
It comes down to making a decision and relying on the help of the Holy Spirit every single day! If you’re a car honker, guess what? You don’t have to be! Do you react with back-biting remarks? You guessed it…you don’t have to do that! Image what your family dynamic and home environment would be like without rude behaviors? The way you live your life is the best teacher. Even when mistakes are made, humility and repentance are a beautiful gift we can teach and share to those we hurt or offend. Our children and family observe how we respond. Of course, we are all guilty of anger and raising our voices in frustration. Tone is a big deal! This is something I am constantly correcting in my own kids because I want them to understand honor. You don’t have to behave rudely to correct rude behavior!
Perhaps right now would be a good time to take a quick pause and reflect on areas the Lord may be revealing to you about rudeness in your own life.
Here are some closing thoughts and take-aways. The opposite of rude is graciousness. Manners are something not talked about as much anymore but are very important. Manners are important because they are a demonstration of love and respect.
If you catch yourself being rude to someone simply stop and own up to it. Confess and say you’re sorry. I have personally done this before many times. I have repented to my wife and kids, to groups in a meeting, and to my friends. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. You may be surprised how much conflict resolution would be taken care of by graciousness.
I believe that healthy conflict resolution and confrontation is greatly lacking in the body of Christ. When issues come up – and they WILL come up – don’t shove it under the rug and pretend it isn’t there. Learn to confront in love and gentleness. Be a person that confronts from a place of love, gentleness, and graciousness.
-Scott